The NorMel House

Dead Dead inside and yet wishing it was actually true. Because it isn't. The truth is I'm alive. I wouldn't really call it living though. I'm existing in a world made up of pain, agony, exhaustion, confusion, and simply existing through it because nothing has killed me yet. Not the times of complete numbness to the world around me, not the extreme emotions that hit like a storm and threaten to take my last breath. They never do, though I wish they would. Seems anything would be better than this. Not too many people would understand my plight, though some may understand parts. I was ok-ish. For a person with depression, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Myofascial Pain Disorder, PMDD, back issues, complete lack of immune system and so many other health problems I was ok. For a while. I accepted that God has taken all 8 of our children to be with Him. I accepted that I would always live in pain. I accepted and even got to the point where I don't even want to raise children in thi...

To say the last few weeks have been difficult would be an understatement. At times it felt like hell on earth. Three weeks ago at this time I was fighting some sort of flu or virus, as well as a pinched nerve in my spine; the combination of the fever, pain, uncontrollable body shaking chills, headache, nausea, dry heaving, body drenching sweats and spasms had me begging for death. In shame, I admit to asking my husband to put an end to my misery, pleading with him for death. I don't remember much from those first couple days other than the pain, and overwhelming desire to have it all end. Despite my husband's pleading, I refused to go to the hospital, terrified of being put in isolation and suffering all alone. With all the fear and regulations due to Covid-19 I knew they would isolate me. Several of the symptoms being recognized as Covid-19 symptoms were wreaking havoc on my body and I wasn't certain if I had it or not. I only knew I was barely hanging on as it was. I was ...

In these uncertain times it's hard to imagine that there is any comfort or hope. It's easy to fall prey to the devil's attempts to pull us away from God. He fills us with doubt, fear, worry, and unbelief. If you suffer from depression or mental illness you probably find the devils voice can be quite loud. I admit (and have shared) many of the times the devil's temptations of despair have overwhelmed me. With all the social distancing and self-quarentine happening we miss out on something most of us NEED. As Christians especially we're used to gathering together as God's family every week, and while we've taken advantage of Livestream technology it is just not the same. Despite all the sad and scary things going on in the world we need to remember God's goodness. God is our gracious and heavenly Father; the Bible, His Holy Word, is filled with assurances of His help and comfort. Open your Bible and find comfort in Him. Find your peace and strength in the ...

Every year I struggle with the darkness of winter. My body and mind crave the sunshine and a break from the achy dampness that seems to last forever. But every year I come back to this. Every year I have these faithful reminders. Faithful in their yearly return; faithfully reminding me of the one in whom I put my faith. They get all they need from the same amazing Creator that gives us all life. I see these beautiful and bright displays of color and life and I know. Darkness will not last forever. There is hope. I am a #ChildofGod #beautycomes #NoartistlikeTheArtist #Nofilter #nature #beautyinnature #beautyincreation #AwesomeGod #Godisgood #blessed #flowers #rain #sunshine #color #life #creation #SADs #wildgardens #flower #springreturns