The NorMel House

By now hundreds of thousands of people have been tested for covid, however if you haven't, you aren't missing anything fun. We had to book our appointments 2 days away as the testing facilities were so busy. They sent us to an arena and told us to go in through the Zamboni doors.  With lots of "No Pictures" signs and double checking health cards we drove in a circle on the arena floor. Last stop? Poking a plastic brush-like thing up your nostril... Not a pleasant feeling, but what can you do? Then it was a waiting game...in isolation with the hubby and 4-legged babies. As symptoms left, new ones came. My body went through all kinds of things and when I called the test results line 5 days later the lady told me it sounded like covid to her, but my results weren't in yet.  Eventually I called and they told me the test was negative but by that point I'd already been quarantined for 2 weeks just in case. Regardless of what it was I had I was still recovering at th...

To say the last few weeks have been difficult would be an understatement. At times it felt like hell on earth. Three weeks ago at this time I was fighting some sort of flu or virus, as well as a pinched nerve in my spine; the combination of the fever, pain, uncontrollable body shaking chills, headache, nausea, dry heaving, body drenching sweats and spasms had me begging for death. In shame, I admit to asking my husband to put an end to my misery, pleading with him for death. I don't remember much from those first couple days other than the pain, and overwhelming desire to have it all end. Despite my husband's pleading, I refused to go to the hospital, terrified of being put in isolation and suffering all alone. With all the fear and regulations due to Covid-19 I knew they would isolate me. Several of the symptoms being recognized as Covid-19 symptoms were wreaking havoc on my body and I wasn't certain if I had it or not. I only knew I was barely hanging on as it was. I was ...

Strange times Strange indeed. I cant decide if my mental health is more affected by the social distancing or by the fact that my body is trying to adapt to life "post-fertility treatments ". Its been quite sometime since we lost Petey and it seems that every month my hormonal changes are worse and worse. It's quite possible  my PMDD is coming back with a vengeance.  Having said that, we've been dealing with the repercussions of Covid19 for nearly 10 weeks. At least that's how long the hubby has been working from home now. Or it's possibly all due to allergy season kicking in. Its unbelievably frustrating that I can't go outside without having to pass out before dinnertime. Sleep is not restorative, nor a choice. I'm quite useless lately and maybe that is the reason behind the "low". Its hard to figure out how to fix a specific symptom when you've got many health problems that could be the cause. Oh well, nothing can really be done at th...

God amazes me. While walking and playing with the 'daytime kiddos' I've once again been blessed with seeing God's incredible creative power at work. Beautiful tulips, lilacs and more have once again pushed their way through the hardened earth to reach for the sun. Stunning and vibrant colors, soft and pastel colors; an amazing variety of beauty that only God can form. If you've read my previous posts you may remember my ability to garden is prevented by my body's aversion to plants, pollen, trees, grass, etc. Funny how my mind's eye is in awe and wonder at all these things, but my body reacts negatively. Satan tries to hamper our relationship with God in any way he can. I've always found my faith is renewed and my sense of God's presence is strongest when I'm surrounded by His amazing work in creation. The fact that these lovely flowers faithfully return every year reminds me that God is constant and faithful. His love never fails. I've stood...

I'm not alone, I know that. But some days it sure feels that way. I'm sure I'm not the only one to feel this way; like there's a millstone in the middle of my chest and at any moment I could be crushed by the weight of it. Today there is so much emotion wrapped up in my memory bank; a lot of wondering about the things that might have been. 7 years ago I sat in an emergency room just waiting for the bad news. I knew it was coming. I had told my doctor a few weeks earlier but she had passed it off as first time nerves. I had tried to be positive despite my feelings that something was wrong. I didn't want to believe it, desperately wished it WAS just first times nerves, and up until those words were spoken I held onto that thin light of hope. I don't think you ever forget moments like that. Holding on to Norm's hand like it was a lifebuoy that he could pull me in from the storm with. Because despite him being there, despite it being his child to...

In these uncertain times it's hard to imagine that there is any comfort or hope. It's easy to fall prey to the devil's attempts to pull us away from God. He fills us with doubt, fear, worry, and unbelief. If you suffer from depression or mental illness you probably find the devils voice can be quite loud. I admit (and have shared) many of the times the devil's temptations of despair have overwhelmed me. With all the social distancing and self-quarentine happening we miss out on something most of us NEED. As Christians especially we're used to gathering together as God's family every week, and while we've taken advantage of Livestream technology it is just not the same. Despite all the sad and scary things going on in the world we need to remember God's goodness. God is our gracious and heavenly Father; the Bible, His Holy Word, is filled with assurances of His help and comfort. Open your Bible and find comfort in Him. Find your peace and strength in the ...

What does one do when they're thoughts aren't really their own? When the body isn't balanced and the mind is playing tricks on you; what do you do? Depression is one example of what I mean. Logically speaking there's nothing wrong with a person's life but the chemical balance tells you you can't deal. You can't do it, you can't go on. The mind searches for a reason for these feelings and thoughts, and you find anything to justify them. But if you are lucky enough to see what's going on you know that isn't how things really are. Yes you really feel that way - the emotions are there - but if you could take emotion out of it,  you don't actually think that. So how do you deal with those emotions? They can be overwhelming, they can be over powering, they can make everything feel black, but oh to be Spock and turn them off. I know it's possible to not listen to the ideas formed in those moments, but is there actually a way to change the chemic...

Emotions betray us. I know, I know, there’s a purpose for them, but the way I see it, it comes down to Faith versus Feeling. I am a person who lives with overwhelming emotions. Not just moody, or fluctuating, but OVERWHELMING. Have you ever felt overwhelmed by something? Have you ever been so submerged in something, so surrounded by it, so overtaken by it, that it literally feels like it’s the only thing in your world at that moment? I have. I do. Constantly. I am not an expert, or a doctor, or a scientist, nor do I have any qualifications but one; life. When it comes down to making decisions most people will go with what they feel is right; I don’t. I go with what I know is right. God has given us everything we need in order to know what is right and wrong. Plain and simple (well, not really, our emotions can make things very complicated and sometimes there’s no black and white line, or writing on the wall, but you’ll get my drift eventually). I should start by saying that I don’t thi...