The NorMel House

To say the last few weeks have been difficult would be an understatement. At times it felt like hell on earth. Three weeks ago at this time I was fighting some sort of flu or virus, as well as a pinched nerve in my spine; the combination of the fever, pain, uncontrollable body shaking chills, headache, nausea, dry heaving, body drenching sweats and spasms had me begging for death. In shame, I admit to asking my husband to put an end to my misery, pleading with him for death. I don't remember much from those first couple days other than the pain, and overwhelming desire to have it all end. Despite my husband's pleading, I refused to go to the hospital, terrified of being put in isolation and suffering all alone. With all the fear and regulations due to Covid-19 I knew they would isolate me. Several of the symptoms being recognized as Covid-19 symptoms were wreaking havoc on my body and I wasn't certain if I had it or not. I only knew I was barely hanging on as it was. I was ...

I'm not a morning person. Much better than I used to be but still,  I need that time. I hit snooze (only once because hearing anything more than once, that early, gets annoying.) Amidst cracking and popping sounds I stretch out each limb. Most days praying it all will hold when I attempt to stand up. Most mornings prayer really is the first thing going through my mind. 'Let this body work right today.' If I take my time, it gets there eventually. However, on occasion, I'm repeating that prayer from the floor, or back on the bed. I'm not complaining, it is what it is; we all have our own things to deal with in life. Still, it forces me to start my day in the right place: Prayer. Sometimes I'm humming or singing by the time the daytime kids show up, but more often I'm listening to someone else sing or speak of God. I like that time. Starting the day with God is a blessing. In a way that makes my "cross" a blessing. God promises to turn all thin...

Every year I struggle with the darkness of winter. My body and mind crave the sunshine and a break from the achy dampness that seems to last forever. But every year I come back to this. Every year I have these faithful reminders. Faithful in their yearly return; faithfully reminding me of the one in whom I put my faith. They get all they need from the same amazing Creator that gives us all life. I see these beautiful and bright displays of color and life and I know. Darkness will not last forever. There is hope. I am a #ChildofGod #beautycomes #NoartistlikeTheArtist #Nofilter #nature #beautyinnature #beautyincreation #AwesomeGod #Godisgood #blessed #flowers #rain #sunshine #color #life #creation #SADs #wildgardens #flower #springreturns

Today is a day for celebration. A day to contemplate and reflect on one of the most gracious and amazing blessings we've been given. A day to remember. A day to be thankful. Death has no victory. Death could not hold our Savior. The Bible doesn't end at the cross or the tomb. And yet, despite knowing this amazing gift, despite knowing how grateful and joyful I should be I just can't. Don't get me wrong, I want to. I want to be happy, I want to smile and share this great gift with others, but today I just don't have it. I don't have the strength to rise above and do what I know I should. There's too much pain. SO MUCH PAIN I just can't. I'm overwhelmed by the twitches and spasms, the ceaseless screaming in my ears, the feeling that my limbs are being torn apart at the joints, and the way every part of me feels so very heavy. You would think by now I would be used to dealing with the constant pains and be able to rise above but it seems the weathe...