The NorMel House

It's been twenty days. Fourteen days of unknown. Six days of knowing. Six days knowing you're gone. Six days knowing I've lost one more. Six days knowing I will never hold you in this life. Six days of confusion, sadness, guilt, exhaustion and weeping. Forty-four days ago you were conceived. Life was given and formed in a lab. Not the natural way but you couldn't be loved more. Twenty days ago I got to carry you home in my womb. Never have I been so in love with a child only eight cells formed. A very different experience for us. Fourteen days of earnest prayers, talking to you and telling you I love you. My dear little Petie, I know I'll see you again some day but it hurts so bad knowing you couldn't stay. It feels like a knife to the heart when I think of all the things we'll never do or get to see. My breath is ripped from my lungs as if I've been punched in the gut; how can I go on? Eight children. I have eight children! Yet I don't get to hol...

A deep breath in So hard, so heavy Weight on my chest Rips through my lungs Burning, pressing Searing, tearing, life giving air Falling, dripping Pooling and wet Tears of sadness Constant, strong Carrying and holding Hands of my God Comforting, promising Gracious and good Love of The Father Melynda Hoeksema

June 15, 2004 A Psalm O Lord, my God and King Hasten to my aid I am weary with my crying May Satan's hand be stayed Rescue me from evil From temptations fierce and strong I am dragged down by my own sin For Your strength Oh Lord, I long Within me is a constant war I cannot fight alone O God of Glory, hear me! I pray don't leave me on my own For without Your mighty Hand O Lord, I'd surely die Save me from myself, O God Please hear my constant cry You alone can save me All my trust is in Your Name For You alone are powerful From age to age the same O God, You are ever merciful I know You hear my plea I trust that in Your Will and time You will answer me