The NorMel House

Oh how we hurt from the pain of grief. Grief is so much more than just an emotion. Grief hits you. Sometimes so physically hard you think you can't do it. Its so overwhelming that you can't breath, or you fall to the floor and just can't do it anymore. Its horrible, but it's ok. Not ok in the sense that you minimize the problem but ok in that you need to understand its a normal part of grief. Even though it may feel like you can't go on, you will. You'll eventually get back up and continue to do what must be done. And if you have a day where you can't do anything, don't be too hard on yourself. Just tell yourself you'll try again tomorrow. The pain doesn't ever go away, but you will adapt to it. You will make room for it and be able to carry on. The one you lost isn't hurting anymore. So allow yourself time to feel, time to get through, because with God's grace you will. The Mel in the NorMel House. Still trying to be gracious to myself i...

Oh how heavy my heart My eyes are dry as there's no tears left to cry What are we doing? What lies are we spreading? Like cancer they grow Like a river slowly pushing its way down a mountain Carving small pathways in the rock Each lie, each falsehood creating tiny cracks in our faith They push their way down, slowly eating their way through what once was strong We let our selfishness dictate the path we choose and call it new understanding  We let our own desires change our beliefs because what we feel can't possibly be wrong We call it worshipping God though we ignore what He's asked of us The world is slipping in through the cracks We're so bombarded by sin that we don't see how far we're falling Satan is laughing and delighting in the lies that have found their way in. He whispers and tempts and tells us our selfish desires can't possibly be wrong Oh how like Adam and Eve we are Choosing to believe we now know better

  Sometimes it's hard to accept help. Sometimes it's even harder to recognize that we need help. "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16 ESV

 "...yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes."  I recently had a conversation about moments (in truth I have this conversation alot) and this just solidifies my thinking. We only have moments. Some people get years worth of moments, others get only a few. We ought to appreciate the moments we have, in humility, because we do not know how many moments we will have. We're here for "a little time" it seems to me that James 4 is telling us how to live those moments, not in fighting or coveting, but in yearning for the Spirit and submitting ourselves humbly to God. How often don't we waste the moments we're given on selfish things or with sinful attitudes. I'm reminded once again that each moment is a precious gift from God and should be used wisely.

I wanted to write this beautiful tribute. I wanted to write something poetic, something that would make the reader feel. But I can't. Today should have been so different, should have been exciting and wonderful and yet that plan was not to be. So I made other plans. Plans to remember.  Yet this was also not to be. I have a stone with a precious inscription sitting in my car in my driveway waiting to be placed next to a slightly smaller and older stone. I have 2 beautiful and sweet little distractions here and a loving hubby working down the hallway, and yet my thoughts still linger on whats in my driveway. Somehow my heart weighs a ton but my eyes are dry. Maybe its the treasures i have staying over. I'm going to sneak in tons of hugs and cuddles today with my little sweethearts while I have the chance, I won't ever take one for granted because there are some I'll never get. I'm going to smile and laugh, tickle all the giggles out that I can and love eve...

So much has happened amidst the many complications covid has brought. So much pain and sorrow.  It seems like I'm always at the end of my rope, yet somehow more happens and it just seems like I'm stretching out a rope thats frayed, broken and isn't meant to stretch. 

  5 years ago I held a precious baby boy in my hands, amazed at the intricacies of how we are made. Filled with sorrow that I wouldn't get to watch this little boy grow up, and wondering if my heart could possibly  ever heal from this. Five years ago I said goodbye too soon to my son. Two days ago I found myself in dejavu. Sitting in a hospital bed, holding my precious girl, amazed at her tiny hands and saying goodbye too soon. Five years ago with little Denver Hoeksema in my hands and two days ago, with Dawson Izzy Hoeksema, the worst moment in my life was repeated. 2 babies. 2 awful and world altering days. My heart was once again crushed; for the 9th time overwhelming grief was my companion. I can't even begin to explain the thoughts in my head, the physical pain, or the millions of changing emotions going through me right now. I'm hanging on to a prayer, desperately pleading for this crushing weight to be lifted because I just can't do this. I can't imagine maki...