The NorMel House

Oct 30, 2018 My dear child I can honestly say that I've loved you from the moment you were conceived. I thought about you. I prayed for you and I couldn't wait to bring you home. The day I carried you home seemed strangely quiet to me. It seemed the whole world should have celebrated, like something huge happened. Because, for me, the whole world had changed. Suddenly, I was responsible for this tiny being! You needed me! I think I needed you almost as much; I wasn't sure I'd be able to live if something happened to you. So many times I prayed for you. I talked to you constantly, pleading for you to grow healthy and strong. I continue to pray for this still; be strong my dear little one! I don't know if you'll ever read this but you are so loved. So new to this world and yet the thoughts and prayers of many are with you already. So grow my child, whatever you need from me I will give. All my love

8 years Seems like yesterday but yet a lifetime ago. Through thick and thin, through sickness and trials, through so much you have loved me. Through hospital stays, surgeries, loss, and grief; through all nighters bottle feeding puppies, through puppy piles and kisses, through raising 3 dogs and losing another. Through cottage stays, long drives, staycations and my many projects. You have stuck with me and loved me through it all. 8 years ago we made a promise to each other and to God and not a day goes by that I still can't believe I'm lucky enough to be loved by you. I pray we'll have many more years together and that every day I'll show you in some way how much you mean to me. You're the Norm in my NorMel, I love you to the moon and back my dearest one. Though you're currently half a world away I hope you're having a wonderful day, happy anniversary dear.

Monday October 15, 2018 I weep Tears stream down my face The pain in my chest is so sharp  I can't breathe  Each breath is like a razor ripping through my lungs My legs are weak  They threaten to betray me I reach out for something Anything to slow the fall But there's nothing I crumple to the ground like a ragdoll thrown into a toy box My shoulders shaking in silent uncontrollable grief. I can't speak I don't even try It doesn't make sense Why choose this moment Like a shot in the night  I didn't see it coming But eventually the heaving slows The tears cease to flow And I try to wipe them all away Slowly I stretch my aching legs and force myself to stand Nothing has changed No magic spell or cure has brought them back.  The world continues oblivious to my grief It changes nothing I breathe in  And out And once again  I take a step    Melynda Hoeksema

I thought I'd share a little about my journey for those of you who have just come across my little blog... My wonderful hubby and I have been married for nearly 8 years now. We both come from families with 6 kids and are 4th oldest. I think we both assumed we'd end up with about as many children ourselves, despite getting married at 26( he was 25 - yup I snagged me a younger man😉) In 2013 we started intentionally trying for children and we're beyond the moon to find out we were expecting right away! I didn't feel things were right but my doctor said that was because I'd never been pregnant before and when I was 13 weeks I had a little bit of spotting. I was convinced she was wrong so I went to the hospital anyways. We had lost baby Miya weeks earlier (coincidentally at the time I told my doctor things didn't feel right). This began our long journey with loss and fertility clinics. We lost another child later that year, and two the following year, and ano