Have a Blessed Christmas!


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Confuzzled

Confused... Puzzled... Confuzzled That's how my brain is atm (at-the-moment). Have you ever had it that you really badly want something, but at the same time you really don't want it and you can't figure out how that can possibly be? Weird thing is, I really don't feel like I FEEL anything about it other than confusion over the emotions that surface randomly. It's all rather puzzling. After wanting and losing so many children I came to a point where I thought 'I really don't want any more children.' I didn't get to keep the ones I've had but I don't feel the desire or need to have more. Maybe it's a defense mechanism... but it doesn't feel like it. It almost feels logical. Like it's time to move on, and live life outside of that desire. I've never had an issue getting pregnant, it usually happened the 2nd or 3rd month we tried. For some unknown reason I have just never carried to full term. The only change the Fertility ...
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I'm not a morning person. Much better than I used to be but still,  I need that time. I hit snooze (only once because hearing anything more than once, that early, gets annoying.) Amidst cracking and popping sounds I stretch out each limb. Most days praying it all will hold when I attempt to stand up. Most mornings prayer really is the first thing going through my mind. 'Let this body work right today.' If I take my time, it gets there eventually. However, on occasion, I'm repeating that prayer from the floor, or back on the bed. I'm not complaining, it is what it is; we all have our own things to deal with in life. Still, it forces me to start my day in the right place: Prayer. Sometimes I'm humming or singing by the time the daytime kids show up, but more often I'm listening to someone else sing or speak of God. I like that time. Starting the day with God is a blessing. In a way that makes my "cross" a blessing. God promises to turn all thin...
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