The NorMel House

Do you remember the first time you followed that strange little ritual of peeing on that oh so hated (and yet loved) little stick? Nervous, anxious, hopeful, scared and a single prayer repeating in your head. Do you remember all those emotions warring inside you? It's more likely you remember what happened next. Maybe it was positive and you were so excited you could hardly contain your joy. Maybe it was negative and you were disappointed or even sad enough you cried. I remember my first time. February 26th, 2013. I was so excited I took a second test just to make sure. My first child! She made me a mom. I never got to meet this little one, but from the moment I knew she was real (not just suspected, because I was sure I was pregnant before I even took the test) my whole outlook changed. Do you remember that first time you found out you were a mom? Do you remember the joy? Despite all that has happened since that moment do you ever try to capture that feeling again? Today I want to...

9 years ago I found out the most exciting news ever! Not only was one test positive, but 2 tests! Norm and I were parents, and in 9 months we'd get to meet our beautiful child. We were ecstatic! By the time I went to see my doctor I had a bad feeling something wasn't right. My doctor passed it all off as first time mom jitters. And then at 13 weeks I had some spotting, and in my heart of hearts I knew I was right. A trip to the hospital confirmed what I'd suspected, our child had gone on to be with our Lord weeks earlier, about the same time I spoke to my doctor. Our hearts were shattered that day. But today I choose to remember the joy, the joy of that moment when I saw those two little lines appear. I'll see my baby again someday and I'll hold her in my arms and thank God for her life.  Til that day...

Ever had a best friend that just gets you. Someone you tell anything and everything because you can trust them. The kind of friend you can always depend upon. The problem is, we're just humans. We make mistakes, screw up and hurt the people we love. The truth is, there's only one perfect friend. He's the only one that loves with perfect love. He wants us to come to Him with everything, He wants us to trust in Him. Pour out your heart to the one who is our Refuge the only one we can truly trust; our Heavenly Father hears you and loves you. No matter whats going on in your life or happening in this world you can find true comfort in Him alone. Selah. Mel of the NorMel House. Reminding myself once again to put my trust in our perfect friend, our Refuge and our God.

My heart hurts. My soul is oh so weary.  This year started off pretty crummy and the world is taking it all downhill.  New Year's Eve plans got canceled as Norm was sick that week and I started getting sick that morning. We still managed to play some games online with friends, but the month of January was spent with my body going through every possible flu symptom you could think of. So I stayed home and kept myself away from anyone but norm. After everything this body has been through it was already worn out before the virus hit.  There's so much I want to say about February. So many things my heart has been crying out to God about, so my things that have brought me to my knees, that I've wept over, prayed constantly about, and had extreme anxiety over. The world will tell you many versions of what's gone on in our nations capital. I believe the many friends I have that walked the streets, that prayed with hundreds of others, sang hymns, psalms, and our national anthem...

 A year ago my sister told the family that she was expecting. Almost 9 weeks! Which put her 9 weeks behind my pregnancy with Izzy. Most people would be so excited by this but my reality tends to differ from most. Instead of excitement I was struck with a heartbreaking thought. I was going to lose my child and watch hers grow up instead. I'd see her child taking its first steps, hear it say its first words and watch it grow healthy and strong. It was at that moment that the tiny flicker of hope, I'd just started having, died.  I cried. I cried for the child in my womb. I cried for her eight siblings that have gone to heaven before her. I cried for myself. For all the firsts I'll never see. For all the little hands I never got to hold. And I cried for all the firsts I had that I'd never wish on anyone. I dont know why I knew I was going to lose this child too, but I did. In bitterness I thought it would probably happen on the anniversary of Denver's death. It was clos...

I hate December. It sucks. It hurts. So much having to fake an attitude/mood. I put on a smile for the family functions, and I try act like nothing's wrong so that everyone else has a good time, but its all a lie. Every part of me is screaming this is wrong. Its wrong that death exists. Its wrong that we are broken. Its wrong that grief and sorrow and pain are such a huge part of this life. Its wrong that Christ had to die to save us. I know I should feel joy that He did, but I can't. I know how much it hurts to lose a child and if I, who am sinful, hurt this much, how much more so would it hurt God to send His Only Son to die for a people that ruined creation with sin. I'm really struggling with myself right now, but there's a part of me that keeps reminding me "its taken like 2 years to feel normal after the losses, I just need to hold on for another year". This month marks the anniversary of 2 of our babies, the only two we ever got to hold and bury. When I...

3 years ago I did something so strange I still can't really grasp it. My little Petey was taken from his little "Petrie dish" and I took my 8 cell large little one home in my uterus. The whole process was one we prayed about and discussed for quite some time. There were disagreements with the specialist (there's a whole lot I could say about that) that made it all very stressful but our one and only embryo, Petey, came home with me that day. And stranger yet, though Norm is Peteys father, he wasn't even in the country at the time. (Wrap your head around that for a moment 🤔. ) Petey didn't live long in my womb but he had a profound effect on my life. I remember Petey and this day every year 💔 The Mel of the NorMel House