A Sonohysterograph, and my angel babies
Sonohysterograph
Sound like fun? Nope. It seriously isn't. I have had many of these on the journey to motherhood. Today I had another one. I actually prepped for this one by taking several Advil and it still managed to be the worst one I've ever had. Why do I keep putting myself through these? Well, today's was the first look since my surgery; to see how the surgery went and make sure everything is ok. I'm very thankful that things are good, but the stabbing pain that shot through my neck, shoulders, lungs and ribs when they shot the saline in really puts a damper on my enthusiasm. (If you don't know what it is, Sonohysterogram: is a technique in which fluid is injected through the cervix into the uterus, and ultrasound is used to make images of the uterine cavity.)
Time for some brutal honesty. On December 30, 2015 I was in the hospital giving birth to my son Denver. I was only 16 weeks pregnant, and he was the most beautiful boy I'd ever seen. He didn't make it long enough to even meet the nurses and my heart felt like it was torn from my chest. I spent a few days in the hospital and ended up having more than one transfusion. We buried Denver on Saturday January 2nd and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Even as I write this my heart feels like it's being torn from my chest.
After this, our 6th child, my specialist decided it was time to remove a large fibroid that may or may not be the problem. They honestly don't know why we keep losing them; but they had discovered this small fibroid after our first loss. They have monitored it since then (2013) and it had grown to be over 6 inches big. So in July 2016 I had an open laparotomy and myomectomy. It's been a long recovery road, and in some ways it has been good to have a break. No pressure every month waiting to see if I'll get a positive sign or having a meltdown when I get an unwanted cycle. No worrying about whether or not I'll lose my child or wondering how things are going. The emotional rollercoaster can be exhausting. I'm back on the train. I want so bad to have children but I am so scared of losing another child. Did you know 1 in 4 women have fertility struggles? As much as we may feel it, we are not alone. God truly does love us and is always with us. Despite the havoc sin has wreaked He will never leave us or forsake us. Sometimes when you're world feels like it's crashing down we forget that. In Romans 8 the Bible tells us that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him. Earlier this year a friend and I started a private Facebook group called Christian Infertility Support Group and I truly believe it's a blessing to all who are in it. I felt alone before but the support and love make me feel like even though it won't be easier, it won't be quite as hard either. We help each other in our weakest moments and remind each other of God's love. If you don't have this support I truly encourage you to seek us out.
From the NorMel House where things are anything but normal, I'd love to invite anyone to seek comfort and friendship in our group... Please, look me up
https://www.facebook.com/groups/784769148323682/
Sound like fun? Nope. It seriously isn't. I have had many of these on the journey to motherhood. Today I had another one. I actually prepped for this one by taking several Advil and it still managed to be the worst one I've ever had. Why do I keep putting myself through these? Well, today's was the first look since my surgery; to see how the surgery went and make sure everything is ok. I'm very thankful that things are good, but the stabbing pain that shot through my neck, shoulders, lungs and ribs when they shot the saline in really puts a damper on my enthusiasm. (If you don't know what it is, Sonohysterogram: is a technique in which fluid is injected through the cervix into the uterus, and ultrasound is used to make images of the uterine cavity.)
Time for some brutal honesty. On December 30, 2015 I was in the hospital giving birth to my son Denver. I was only 16 weeks pregnant, and he was the most beautiful boy I'd ever seen. He didn't make it long enough to even meet the nurses and my heart felt like it was torn from my chest. I spent a few days in the hospital and ended up having more than one transfusion. We buried Denver on Saturday January 2nd and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Even as I write this my heart feels like it's being torn from my chest.
After this, our 6th child, my specialist decided it was time to remove a large fibroid that may or may not be the problem. They honestly don't know why we keep losing them; but they had discovered this small fibroid after our first loss. They have monitored it since then (2013) and it had grown to be over 6 inches big. So in July 2016 I had an open laparotomy and myomectomy. It's been a long recovery road, and in some ways it has been good to have a break. No pressure every month waiting to see if I'll get a positive sign or having a meltdown when I get an unwanted cycle. No worrying about whether or not I'll lose my child or wondering how things are going. The emotional rollercoaster can be exhausting. I'm back on the train. I want so bad to have children but I am so scared of losing another child. Did you know 1 in 4 women have fertility struggles? As much as we may feel it, we are not alone. God truly does love us and is always with us. Despite the havoc sin has wreaked He will never leave us or forsake us. Sometimes when you're world feels like it's crashing down we forget that. In Romans 8 the Bible tells us that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him. Earlier this year a friend and I started a private Facebook group called Christian Infertility Support Group and I truly believe it's a blessing to all who are in it. I felt alone before but the support and love make me feel like even though it won't be easier, it won't be quite as hard either. We help each other in our weakest moments and remind each other of God's love. If you don't have this support I truly encourage you to seek us out.
From the NorMel House where things are anything but normal, I'd love to invite anyone to seek comfort and friendship in our group... Please, look me up
https://www.facebook.com/groups/784769148323682/
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